When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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