The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
