hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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