So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
