I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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