They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
