I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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