You just made me feel so damn special
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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