i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
