I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
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