she takes plan B like it's going out of style
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
