now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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