I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wish you could order shots online.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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