I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
That accounts for only three of the penises
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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