my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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