In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
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