You're my little dorito
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My balls are so social today.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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