brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
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WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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