It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
