I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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