It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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