she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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