I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
