Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
