I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
