My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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