Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
