First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
