im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
