I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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