My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
