She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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