Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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