You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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