Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
