Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
