I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's shark week go big or go home
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
