just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
