Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
