Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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