you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
