He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
