went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
