I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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