Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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