I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
