Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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