yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
This is my life. Enjoy the view
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
