I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
