my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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