Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
