you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
