First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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