I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
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