i wish my penis had a tongue
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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