Everything about him screamed your future.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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