I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
