Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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