Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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