So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
