winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
