just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
