Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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