we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
a search helicopter?!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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