i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
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How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I will pee on everything he values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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