Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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