i permit you to call me
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
