is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
