She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
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He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
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My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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