In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
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just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
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This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS