im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you