Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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