Texts From Last Night

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  (813): View more from Florida

  He had one of those small greek statue penises

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  (813): He had one of those small greek statue penises http://tfl.nu/uvv6
  Replies (33) Good night (827) Bad night (5461)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.

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  (407): Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama. http://tfl.nu/o21n
  Replies (59) Good night (882) Bad night (3707)
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  (212): View more from New York

  Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"

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  (212): Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers" http://tfl.nu/w9dn
  Replies (8) Good night (3803) Bad night (780)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover

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  (847): I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover http://tfl.nu/981k
  Replies (7) Good night (2725) Bad night (974)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?

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  (917): I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really? http://tfl.nu/2oxm
  Replies (15) Good night (1098) Bad night (5008)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring

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  (860): Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring http://tfl.nu/m17v
  Replies (4) Good night (1865) Bad night (779)
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  (831): View more from California

  I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.

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  (831): I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET. http://tfl.nu/2kw0
  Replies (13) Good night (2533) Bad night (849)
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  (682): View more from Texas

  I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face

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  (682): I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face http://tfl.nu/zwwu
  Replies (16) Good night (5555) Bad night (1222)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having

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  (607): Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having http://tfl.nu/7a1k
  Replies (7) Good night (1470) Bad night (656)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.

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  (314): Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous. http://tfl.nu/8pll
  Replies (15) Good night (1425) Bad night (523)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong

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  (713): I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong http://tfl.nu/72i1
  Replies (1) Good night (393) Bad night (572)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend

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  (505): The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house" (703): Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend http://tfl.nu/7dd6
  Replies (1) Good night (650) Bad night (314)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.

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  (513): It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is. http://tfl.nu/opxa
  Replies (1) Good night (561) Bad night (280)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower

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  (416): No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower http://tfl.nu/t3qe
  Replies (0) Good night (605) Bad night (278)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.

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  (904): GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE. http://tfl.nu/ij9g
  Replies (1) Good night (482) Bad night (162)

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