they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.