It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
