Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
