three words: i give head
three words: not that well
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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