only if we run a train.
done.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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