Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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