My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
