Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The dick lei will go down in squad history
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
