You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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