Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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