I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
