So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
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Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
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As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
tell me about the fingering
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