the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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