Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
