my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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