Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
